


get some cash out (we're gonna tear up this town)

by hickeyziall (scentedziall)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Accidental Relationship, Blow Jobs, Fluff, Hand Jobs, M/M, Pining, Same-Sex Marriage, i bend the law at my will to make plot happen, niall is a mess, nothing to do with the law has been fact-checked, uh, uni!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 17:33:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7766983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scentedziall/pseuds/hickeyziall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He thumbed the app open, and was immediately faced with his own latest tweet; a picture of himself and Niall cuddled close with their hands joined, golden bands glinting on their ring fingers. He noted Niall’s drunken smile, his eyes looking up at Zayn like the sun shines out of his ass, a pale arm hooked around the older boy’s waist, their cheeks red with alcohol, and Louis’ unmistakable dodgy photography and thumb in the corner of the photo. </p><p>Fuck."</p><p>aka zayn and niall get married in vegas while drunk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	get some cash out (we're gonna tear up this town)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [niallszayn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/niallszayn/gifts).



It had to be approaching 3 in the morning by then, the pulsing energy of the club pushing at the back of his eyes and making his hands shake with it. He had downed about three shots before they had even left their flat, and the scotch in his hand was warming him up from the inside after abandoning his friends in the crowd. He was a little bit of a mess, he’ll admit; his fringe swept against his forehead, button-up sticking to his body too tightly. Maybe margaritas weren’t the best idea, he thought, as he made sure to keep his phone in his pocket and away from his intoxicated self; he didn’t need any of his exes knowing about his current state.

 

Zayn had never been the biggest fan of clubbing, but Louis wanted to go out to celebrate the end of the school year; honestly, Zayn could use a night out. Exams for the past few weeks had left him a little hazy and under stimulated, and he was looking forward to the weekend to let himself relax. The bodies filling the space around him, making it hard to breathe seemed to hit the spot.

 

He had been dragged out for a road trip to Vegas by his flatmate and best friend, Louis, and Louis’ boyfriend, Harry. Zayn wasn’t exactly a social butterfly, so most of the accomplices that had tagged along tonight were mostly Harry’s friends. Among them was Niall, this bubbly blonde thing that moved to their Uni a year earlier.

 

Zayn knew Niall fairly well – he was initially a friend of Liam’s, who is a friend of Harry’s. By now they’d gotten high together a couple times when schoolwork got a little too stressful, and they met up for pinta with their mutual friends plenty of times. Zayn thinks he’s a bit out of it most of the time, just always _there,_ laughing too much and making a spectacle of everything, but he played a mad game of FIFA, so Zayn’s happy to keep him around.

 

The residual nerves from the past few weeks seemed to have melted away now, as Zayn sat at the bar to get one last drink in him before heading back to his hotel room. Niall, on the other hand, was fucking _smashed,_ giggling it up on the barstool next to Zayn and just leaning all over him as if they’d been at the bar for five hours rather than two.

 

“Zee, bro, what ya doin’ out here? The party’s on the dancefloor!” The blonde had vodka sour on his breath and sweat on his brow, having just burst out from the crowd of bodies behind them. Zayn cringed, the boy’s residual heat from the dance floor making the room feel stuffy.

Zayn had already gotten bored of the atmosphere; Americans never seemed his type. His type was usually someone optimistic and charming to balance himself out. Girl or guy had never seemed to be an issue for him, but extroversion was something he struggled with. Unfortunately America is a very in-your-face country. Harry would understand; he felt the same after moving all the way to America from a small town in England.

 

“Just getting some air, man. ‘S too much being around that lot for too long. Might be heading off soon.” Niall blinked at him before his face fell, fringe falling into his blue eyes, clouded with alcohol.

 

“But _Zee,_ Harry and Louis are fucking or something and I don’t feel like pulling,” Niall hoisted Zayn up by his arm. “You’re still so _tense_. C’mon, I know this place near here that does glow-in-the-dark shots. You could stand some winding down, yeah?”

 

And under different circumstances, Zayn probably would’ve shut that idea down immediately, but Niall is just so sure and open that Zayn wouldn’t let him drink himself silly without giving him someone to be giggly and starry-eyed with.

 

~ # ~

 

That is Zayn’s first mistake.

 

It soon seemed that Niall’s idea of ‘winding down’ was pumping their bodies with as much tequila as they could handle, rather than pulling someone half-drunk and willing back to the hotel with them. Not that Zayn wanted to have a threesome with Niall. But Zayn wouldn’t be surprised if the blonde offered.

 

His second mistake was giving Niall his phone, because Niall’s been bugging him to get Snapchat for at least 3 months, and Zayn had forgotten he even had an Instagram account. They did end up going to that blacklight bar, and the floor was sticky and Zayn had fluorescent green and pink paint all down his arms and cheeks by the time they left, but he couldn’t care less.

 

Niall _could_ care less, though, and somehow they found their way into a rooftop pool party, and. Well.

 

Zayn couldn’t really remember much after that.

 

~ # ~

 

His third mistake was getting so out of his head that when he woke up on the floor of his and Louis’ hotel room the next morning, the windows melted down the walls a little and didn’t stop until he drank two full glasses of water and took a nap.

 

While blearily brushing his teeth, he noticed his phone, upon being plugged in, had received notification after notification, buzzing away and aggravating the dull ache in his temples. 

 

He chose to ignore it in favour of making breakfast - his hangover wasn’t going to cure itself.

 

“Lou, I’m cooking, want an omelette?” he calls out, receiving no answer - Louis probably stayed at Harry’s flat for the night. He noticed himself picking at a patch of green paint on his arm where it had dried and crusted into his arm hair. He should’ve known the glow-in-the-dark stuff would be a bitch to get off.

 

A phone rings, then - his landline phone, which is fucking weird, because he forgot they even had one of those still. He and Louis had only really used it for complaining about the laundry room being full when they first moved in.

 

“Jesus _fucking_ Christ, learn how to check your phone!” Zayn flinched away from the speaker, wincing. “This is Zayn, right? I don’t think Liam would give me a fake number, but I also didn’t think he’d actually join in on Karaoke last night. He may have been inebriated, but he _killed_ it.”

 

“Yeah, Niall, it’s me. Quiet down, will ya? My head’s killing me,” Zayn grumbled. He checked his phone while Niall blabbered on, cringing at all the mentions on his Twitter.

 

He thumbed the app open, and was immediately faced with his own latest tweet; a picture of himself and Niall cuddled close with their hands joined, golden bands glinting on their ring fingers. He noted Niall’s drunken smile, his eyes looking up at Zayn like the sun shines out of his ass, a pale arm hooked around the older boy’s waist, their cheeks red with alcohol, and Zayn’s own unmistakably dodgy photography and thumb in the corner of the photo.

 

Oh _shit_.

 

Zayn looked down to his own hand, then, to see the ring still there; a simple golden thing with a nut on the top, like one you would use to screw things together, and Zayn coughed out a laugh then, because it’s so them. He sees his own artsy poetic bullshit, and Niall’s easygoing laughter; the two of them somehow thinking [this](http://static.neatorama.com/images/2008-01/nuts-bolt-wedding-ring.jpg) is perfect.

 

 

_“Aw, look, you can be the nut to my bolt, Zee.”_

 

_“Screw you, Horan.”_

 

_“Haha, punny. Not gonna be a Horan for long, though, am I?”_

“Zayn, you still there?” Zayn’s heart was in his stomach.

 

“We got fucking _married to each other_ last night?” He burst, “And you’re going on about Liam’s singing prowess or something?” He heard a sharp intake of breath through the speaker, and Niall’s voice softened.

 

“Look, I know you’re probably having an episode, because you’re you, but it’ll be fine, alright?” He let out a breath. “I’ll be over in 15 with some breakfast. Sound good, _hubby?”_

 

Zayn looked across at the burnt omelette he had left in the pan, and agreed, with a thankful sigh.

 

~ # ~

 

Unfortunately, Niall seemed to remember possibly even _less_ about the previous night than Zayn did.

 

They ate their breakfast McMuffins on Zayn’s beat up couch, trying to pinpoint locations, brainstorming with what little a) motivation and b) brainpower they had between them.

 

“So it was the first pub-”

 

“The Beverly.”

 

“Yeah, the Beverly, then the Coast pool party place, then, uh… at least one more?”

 

“That, um, that’s all we know, then?”

 

Zayn shook his head, a sad smile on his face. “We’re so fucked.” He had his phone in his hand, notifications still going off like crazy. The photo was all over his Facebook, Twitter, Ask.fm – apparently he’d finally given in and gotten Snapchat - and he had messages in all kinds of inboxes asking about it.

 

“Bro, my parents didn’t even know I like men. They were convinced I was gonna marry Perrie, and now look at this. My entire extended family thinks we’re hitched.”

 

“Well, we are, technically.” Niall pointed out, being entirely unhelpful. Zayn groaned and slid down the couch a little.

 

“Technically whatever, Niall. You know Louis is never gonna let us live this down, no matter if we fix it or not.” Niall’s face fell a little, but he covered it with a laugh.

 

“Well, uh, speaking of fixing things, I seem to have lost my wallet last night.” Niall added in, twisting his mouth shut and watching Zayn for a reaction.

 

“You-” Zayn gaped, “you lost your wallet in the process of drunkenly marrying me, and you decided to tell me this now?”

 

“Well, you’re freaking out enough as it is. But yeah, woke up this mornin’, fully clothed, with my phone and keys but no wallet. Poof. Gone.”

 

“...shit.” Zayn ran a clammy hand over his short hair. “We should ask Harry and Louis.”

 

~ # ~

 

Niall drove them the short 15 minutes to Harry’s flat, because Zayn was an anxious mess, screenshotting his drunken, misspelled posts before deleting them, because he hoped that once this had all blown over, they could look back at this disaster and laugh.

 

He was still mostly in shock, because he’s legally married to Niall, this boy that he’s meant to be buddy-buddy with, and they don’t know when, where, or how it happened. He looked across at Niall then, as they walked up Harry’s driveway, and the blonde seemed calm. Which, how? Zayn is preparing to get his ass kicked by his entire family, fighting the tight feeling in his chest as he played with the dumb ring that’s still on his finger, and Niall was just. Fine.

 

He’s only a little bitter about it.

 

“Oi, lazy arses, we know you’re home!” Niall knocked on their door once more, rolling his eyes and giving Zayn a look that he knew meant _typical_.

The two boys heard a grumbled reply from inside, and glanced at one another amusedly as footsteps approached from beyond the door.

 

“Yes, yes, hello boys.” Louis grumbled. He had obviously just come from a shower, his hair wet and in his face, a towel around his waist. “I don’t want any cookies, have a nice day.”

 

Despite his snarky words, he moved out of the way to let the boys in, giving them a smile and closing the door behind them.

 

“Harry’s still in the shower, but help yourself to some coffee if you like.” Zayn thanked him, heading to the kitchen immediately, to the amusement of Niall.

 

He could hear Niall explain the situation to Louis, and he was grateful that he wasn’t in the room to witness Louis’ teasing in person. He blocked out the laughing and shouting from the living area as he prepared his beverage with the hot water from Louis’ electric kettle.

 

“Harry! Fuck, Haz- they got married last night. Look at this shit.” Laughter.

 

“Wow, um… congrats?”

 

“And we weren’t even invited! Your best friends! I can’t believe you two.”

 

“Was it, like, at a church? Do you have a certificate?”

 

“Who did you have as your best men if it wasn’t us???”

Zayn walked back into the room, clutching his coffee and pointedly not looking at anyone but Harry.

 

“We can’t remember,” He grumbled, making his way to the sofa. “That’s why we’re here.”

 

Louis’ laughter only got louder as the situation unfolded. “You fucking _idiots._ And I thought I was an irresponsible drunk.”

 

“Well, first thing you should do, is make sure no one else finds out about this.” Harry was actually trying to be helpful, bless him.

 

Niall groaned. “We put photos of it up all over the internet. They’ve been deleted now, but we were too late.” Zayn noticed then that Niall looked flustered, and was now worrying himself sick like Zayn was on the way there. He figured it was because now that Niall wasn’t trying to calm others down, he was getting stuck in his own head a bit. Zayn could usually read Niall’s behavior pretty well, but it had been a long while since he’s seen Niall act so strange. 

 

It’s odd.

 

“Damn. Well, um, did it say in the post where you took the photos? Like, did you check in to the place or something?” Harry supplied, sensing Niall’s panic and walking closer in a calming gesture. Niall brightened a little.

 

“Zayn, did we? I didn’t check.”

 

“I screenshotted some of the posts, I’ll have a look.”

 

~ # ~

 

Louis and Niall had piled into the back seat, letting Harry drive and Zayn ride shotgun. Zayn always got to ride shotgun – he gets cranky easily when he’s tightly packed with other people, and a grumpy Zayn is something the lot of them would rather avoid.

 

Louis got back at Zayn’s priority seating benefits by kicking the back his chair and trying to balance crisps on his hair, but he’s used to it by now.

 

“We’re here, children.” Harry announced over his shoulder, as he pulled into a parking lot near the main strip. The street around them was surrounded by neon lights, turned off in the daylight, and sign after sign advertising gambling, clubs, and – exactly what they’re here for.

“ _’World Famous Chapel of the Bells Weddings’_. Wow.” Zayn murmured, leaning his forehead on the window towards the neon sign. “We were so fucking drunk.”

 

Louis was lovingit, cackling and sliding down his seat with the force of it. “It’s right next to a hotel, too! _Shit!”_

 

Zayn got out of the car, shrugging off the comment like he was so used to. Niall followed suit with his cheeks red. Zayn thought nothing of it, assuming that Niall is probably trying not to laugh along for Zayn’s benefit.

 

They piled into the building, and were greeted by a tired employee.

 

“Welcome to the Chapel of the Bells. How can I help you?” She sat up straighter behind her desk – she looked a little older than them, he hair dyed a platinum blonde. She took another look at them then, cringing.

 

“Oh, you two boys were here last night, weren’t you?” Louis laughed behind his hand.

 

“Yeah, we were.” Niall replied, arms crossed, a nervous habit, Zayn knows. “I’m sure you know what we’re here for, then?”

 

“Oh, boo.” She frowns. “But you too were so sweet on each other. That’s a shame.” She seems genuinely disappointed as she opens a drawer to fetch some paperwork. “So which one of these gentlemen is your lawyer?”

 

Zayn gulps. “Uh, what?” Louis started to raise his hand, but Harry pushed it back down before he made the situation any worse.

 

“You need a lawyer to get a divorce, silly.” She tutted, putting the paperwork away. “This is a legitimate chapel, you know. This case has to be put through court to be made redundant.”

 

Zayn ran a hand over his face, groaning. _Of fucking course it does._ “I don’t have that kind of money! I’m already up to my tits in student loan debt, for fuck sake-“

 

“Hey, Zayn, shh. Don’t worry about it, yeah?” Niall comforted him with an arm around his tense shoulders. “We’ll get our parent’s lawyers or something. Or wait till we have some more cash. It doesn’t have to happen right now.”

 

Niall was too close, Zayn could feel himself getting wrapped up in the blond’s arms, breath soft in the crook of his neck and it’s too much, because Drunk Zayn thought that this would be a good idea; that this boy crowding around him was something special, and he _is._

 

“Your parents would get that this was just a bit of stupid fun, and my parents loved you when you met them at Christmas, you’ll be fine.” Niall was still mumbling in his ear, and it made Zayn melt a little.

 

“You can get married, drunk, in public, no problem, but to get a divorce you need a lawyer?” Zayn sulked into Niall’s shoulder, his still-fading hangover and frustration getting the best of him.

 

“That’s Vegas for you,” Niall mumbled, swaying Zayn softly back and forth, and generally just being the sweet, soft person that Zayn’s grown to love.

 

Zayn knew that Niall was prone to a terrible amount of anxiety, and the fact that he wasn’t freaking out, and instead comforting him – it meant something.

 

Zayn isn’t quite sure what that something is just yet.

 

The employee cleared her throat, smiling stiffly. “So, is there anything else you boys need?”

 

Zayn separated from Niall, then, remembering why they came here in the first place. “Niall, your wallet?”

 

“Oh!” He startled, snapping his hands back to his sides. “Right. You lot head to the car, yeah? I’ll have a look through lost and found or whatever, meet you there in a mo’.”

 

The boys agreed, awkwardly leading a slightly-less-anxious Zayn back out of the chapel.

 

Niall sighed heavily, throwing his head back and closing his eyes for a moment.

 

“You’re fucked, kid,” The lady commented, a sympathetic look on her face.

 

His mouth tipped up in a crooked, tired smile. “Sure as shit, I am.”

 

~#~

 

Niall and Zayn had also drunkenly tagged themselves at a couple of bars near the chapel, so the boys headed there next. Zayn was concerned about Niall – he had been acting out of character since he came back from the chapel, shifty and dodging questions. Zayn’s used to his nervous habits, his chewing at his nails and picking at his jeans, but Niall’s leg hadn’t stopped bouncing in fifteen minutes.

 

“So they didn’t have your wallet there, Niall?”

 

He whipped his head around from the window to look Zayn, then quickly looked towards the front of the car. “Huh? Oh, yeah, no wallet.” Back to bouncing his leg.

 

Zayn figured pressuring him in the tense environment of the car would do more harm than good, so he let it go, instead resting a hand on his knee to stop it.

 

Niall’s eyes met his and he relaxed into his seat a little. He let out a quiet ‘thanks’, and Zayn nodded at him, satisfied.

 

~#~

 

They stopped by the three bars they tagged themselves in – no wallet to be found. Niall sighed, said he’ll call whoever needed to be called tomorrow. After a tiresome journey and a lack of lunch, the boys agreed to drop Niall and Zayn off at Louis’, and for the other two to go to lunch.

 

Zayn sighed as he dropped onto his ratty couch, sliding his shoes off as he reached for the TV remote. “Wanna watch something, Niall?”

 

Niall went straight for the kitchen, digging around in the pantry for something salvageable. “Uh, yeah, you pick. I don’t mind what.”

 

When Niall returned to the living area with his spoils, Zayn had put on some superhero movie, which Niall should probably have expected.

 

Niall had sidled up next to Zayn on the couch, still wary, but definitely less anxious. “Want some?” He asked the pile of tired boy curled up next to him, extending his bag of crisps.

 

“Mhhm,” he mumbled, not moving. “Feed me, I’m tired.” Niall complied, smiling fondly as Zayn hummed in thanks.

 

Zayn knew Niall had been acting weird in the car, but honestly, if Zayn was going to be married to Niall until they could sort this out, Zayn was going to look after him; if only to repay him for comforting him in the chapel.

 

Zayn scooted closer to the back of the chair, freeing up space in front of him. “Niall, wanna cuddle? ‘S cold.”

 

Niall hesitated for a moment, but the afternoon air was cool on the bare skin of his arms, and after the morning they’d had, he really could go for a cuddle with someone he trusts.

 

Niall tucked himself in between Zayn and the edge of the couch, lying on his side with his head tucked into his chest so the boy behind him could still see the TV.

 

Zayn hooked an arm around the blond’s waist, making himself comfortable lined up along his back. They may have fucked up, but hey, if Zayn’s going to be married to this kid, he’s going to make sure he feels loved.

 

He felt Niall tense up at the warm hand on his stomach, but he quickly relaxed into his arms, humming to let Zayn know that it was okay.

 

They settled into a comfortable quiet, the only noises being the action movie on the TV and their quiet breathing.

 

~#~

 

Zayn woke up pressed along Niall’s back, the ending credits of Wolverine playing quietly in front of them. He went to stretch out his tired limbs, heavy with sleep, when he noticed what woke him up.

 

Niall had his hand woven with his own, pressed over his cock, which – okay, probably just happened in their sleep right? But Niall was _hard,_ and when Zayn lifted his head a little to look at the boy’s face, he was flushed red, eyes screwed shut. Coincidentally, now that Zayn had time to consider it, Zayn’s dick seemed just as interested. Alright, then.

 

See, the logical thing for Zayn to have done here would be to have gotten up from behind Niall, his _friend,_ and take his morning wood (afternoon wood?) to his room where he wasn’t pressed up against an innocent bystander of the crisis that was his hormonal self.

 

But Zayn’s hand was still sitting against the hard line of Niall’s cock through his sweats, and he didn’t realize what he was doing until he wrapped a hand around where Niall was hot and waiting.

 

Niall let out a sleep-heavy groan, hips shifting back into Zayn’s, and _this is a bad idea,_ because he was taking advantage of him, even though sleep-Niall definitely seemed to want it, but he knew better than to do that to someone who trusts him.

 

Zayn went to guiltily slip his hand out of Niall’s then, but he was stopped by a hand around his wrist and a tired keening noise from the boy in front of him.

 

Niall pulled his hand back to where it was, pushing his hips up into it. “Want – want it.”

 

Zayn was still in shock at being caught, and Niall whined, voice rough with sleep. “ _Please,_ Zayn. Keep – “

 

It didn’t take any more encouragement for Zayn to slip his hand under the soft material to wrap around his dick, a little wet at the red tip already, and Niall shuddered, cutting himself off.

 

Zayn started properly wanking him then, wanting to make the squirming boy in his arms feel good. “ _God,”_ Niall panted into the couch cushion, grinding his hips back into Zayn’s, making him groan.

 

Niall reached down, then, disturbed Zayn’s grip and muttered about needing lube, grabbing something from underneath Zayn’s couch.

 

It’s his wallet.

 

“I- Niall, wait, didn’t you lose that?” Zayn pulled his hand back onto Niall’s hip, confused.

 

Niall’s face bloomed with red. “I- I found it?” Niall smiled, and Zayn gave him a look, and sat up, pinning Niall underneath him on his back.

 

“Don’t lie to me Niall.” Niall shivered at his tone of voice, and he would think that Zayn was angry if said boy wasn’t pulling Niall’s sweatpants down more as he struggled for words, cock hard against his bare tummy where his shirt was hiked up.

 

His face was burning at the shame of being caught out as he replied, “I just told you that because I wanted to, I dunno…” Niall trailed off, and Zayn smirked, shaking his head and moving his fingers to toy with the sensitive crown of his dick.

 

“Finish it off Niall. Why did you lie to me?” Niall sucked in a breath at Zayn’s touch, throwing caution to the wind.

 

“Wanted to spend more time with you, after – because I thought you might be mad at me once you found out, so I thought I’d make sure I had time to try to get you to forgive me, so I just made it up on the spot because it was the first thing I thought of, even though I used my wallet to pay for breakfast, and it’s stupid.” Niall let out a breath after rambling, and he felt ridiculous, his friend in his lap, toying with his cock, and Niall’s an anxious mess.

 

Zayn smiled down at Niall. “You’re cute when you’re desperate.” Niall pouted up at him.

 

“I just confessed that I spent the whole day trying to stop you from hating me and you call me ‘cute’?” Zayn giggled at him, letting go of his cock to instead hold himself up over Niall’s body. “ _And_ while you were touching my dick, too. Rude.”

 

Zayn leaned in to make their foreheads touch.

 

“You know you love me.”

 

Niall tried not to smile too big as he hooked his arms around Zayn’s neck, looking up at this boy that he’d only known a matter of months, thinking, “Yeah, maybe I do.”

 

Zayn smiled back down at him, a knowing look on his face as he leaned the small distance left between them to kiss his soft lips, leaving Niall breathless.

 

“Now, enough being sappy, yeah?” Zayn pulled back and scooted backwards to brace his arms on Niall’s thighs. “Been waiting to make you feel good.”

 

Niall wasn’t one to argue, so he lifted his hips to let Zayn pull his sweats down and out of the way. Zayn wrapped a hand around the boy’s cock, which had softened from the wait.

 

He ran his tongue up the underside, making Niall suck in a breath. Zayn gave a few tugs on his now hardening dick, hand damp with spit after Niall’s complaints from earlier, and fit his mouth over the head - and Niall was contemplating just going blind then, because surely nothing could look better than this; Zayn’s hollowed cheeks, blown-out eyes looking up at him, the corner of his stretched mouth twitching up in a smirk at what was probably a very unfortunate facial expression Niall was sporting.

 

Zayn sunk down a little further, almost to the base of Niall’s cock – anyone that knows Zayn well enough knows that he’s no stranger to having a dick in his mouth – and the look on Niall’s face at the realisation makes his cock twitch in his pants, which – why is he even wearing clothes still?

 

As he built up a rhythm, Niall was making these little sounds like he was trying not to, hand hovering next to Zayn’s head like he was scared to touch. And, well, Zayn would not be having that.

 

He used the hand that wasn’t keeping Niall’s pale hips still to move Niall’s hand into his own hair, and groaned around his mouthful as Niall caught on, getting a grip in the dark hair at the base of his skull. “So good to me, Zee, shit,” He gasped, and Zayn re-doubled his efforts, wanting to coax more noise out of the boy.

 

Soon enough, though, Niall pulled him off, panting a hoarse mantra of “ _too close, stop, fuck,”_ his spit-wet cock slapping wetly against his tummy. “Want to come with you,” He managed eventually, cheeks ruddy with leftover pleasure as he pulled Zayn up and over to bracket him once again with fidgety hands.

 

“I think that could be arranged,” Zayn commented, and he smiled cheekily down at the blond as he slid his own sweats and pants off his legs. He would have gotten his shirt off too, ideally, but Niall was squirming under him to get him to take the pocket-sized lube, and desperation really was a good look on him.

 

Zayn complied, slicked up his hand to gather both of their cocks in his palm, and Niall shivered and slung his arms around the older boy’s neck at the feeling - cold lube being pressed against him after the heat of Zayn’s mouth.

 

Zayn moved to capture Niall’s lips in a kiss as he started moving his hand over the two of them, but Niall pulled away to whimper quietly and buck his impatient hips into Zayn’s hand at the smooth friction. Zayn persisted, though, and swallowed Niall’s pretty little noises as he brought them both to the edge with sure strokes.

 

Niall looked beautiful as he came, eyes screwed shut and mouth open, thighs quaking as he finally went over the edge. Zayn followed suit at the feeling of Niall’s come pulsing over the head of his own cock, breath stuck in his throat as he shuddered through it.

 

In his post-orgasm haze, he must have been taking a while to come back up, because when he came to Niall was in his arms again, mess cleaned up and fresh boxers and a worn-in top on. The boy must have tried to dress Zayn too, because he only had half an arm in his shirt and his boxers part way up his skinny thighs.

 

He fondly tidied himself up and tucked himself back in between Niall and the couch again, this time with Niall’s tired eyes facing towards him.

 

“I like you,” Niall hummed, and rested his head against Zayn’s chest.

 

“Are my blowjob skills decent, then? Enough to keep me around?” Zayn replied, smiling into the boy’s hair.

 

“Yeah, we’ll see, hubby.” Those words shook Zayn then, made his heart beat a little faster. Yeah, they actually _were_ married. For real.

 

He took Niall’s hand, and tangled his fingers in between. Smiled at the rings lining up. Nut and bolt. “Pan, kettle,” he hummed, and they fell asleep just like that.

 

~#~

 

The two weren’t woken up by Louis’ key in the door, nor by Louis, Liam, and Harry chattering as they made their way inside the flat. The lot of them paused mid-conversation as their eyes landed on the two of them, snuggled up on the couch.

 

Their hands were joined, and the rings still sat on their fingers; the nut and bolt twisted together like some kind of Bob The Builder pun. The boys all shared a fond look, at the two.

 

“And Niall said Zayn would never like him back,” Harry mused, quiet as to not wake them.

 

Louis snickered, reaching for his phone, but Liam took it from his hand, letting the two snoozing bodies have their nap in peace.

 

“But _Lee-yum,_ it’ll been the perfect Christmas card!” Louis whined, trying to snatch his phone back, but his little legs weren’t doing much to help.

 

“I think we’ve had enough incriminating photos spread around, thank you, Louis.”

 

They all turned around to follow the voice, to see Zayn with his eyes blinking open blearily. “Sod off,” he groaned, but smiled a little, and pressed a kiss to Niall’s hair. “Let us have our sanity for five minutes.”

 

Louis sighed. “ _Fine._ But no fellatio on my sofa, you pricks.”

 

“Too late,” Niall giggled from where he had his head resting on Zayn’s chest.

 

Liam pulled a fuming Louis from the room, Harry laughing from behind them.

 

Zayn looked down at Niall, then. “Thanks for marrying my drunk arse.” Niall’s smile at that made his head spin.

 

“Thanks for not divorcing my drunk arse.”

 

“Don’t threaten me. I could still do it.”

 

Niall kissed him, soft and lingering.

 

“Hm, maybe not,” Zayn decided. “Might have to keep you around if you keep kissing me.”

 

“Then kiss you I will.”

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: Zayn and Niall are friends, or at least in the same friend group, and one night while drunk one of them proposes to the other (e.g. on a dare) who then posts it all over their social media, which they only discover the next morning, hungover. Cue thrilled (or disapproving?) parents and curious friends, and them trying to figure out what to do next because they’re not even dating and they most definitely don’t want to. Right?
> 
> thank you so much for giving me this prompt! i had so much fun with it. i'm not sure if you wanted smut in this or not but I haven't written it in 3000 years so here you go???
> 
> big big thank you to my betas punkrocktommo and stripesurl on tumblr for being v v rad and my bestie elise for telling me to get off my ass and finish this mess


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